I Don't want to doubt..I want to Trust..Please..

I hate how I can never express how I feel towards you everyday.. I hate how I'm just so cowardly because I'm afraid of how you might think. I fear you'd stop liking me for someone I am that's why I hide part of me inside and hidden..I wished things were easier than they seem.. you understand me more than anyone else.. yet telling you I doubt is the last thing I want you to know. I don't want you to think I don't trust you.. I do.. I really do.. but my intuition tells me otherwise. I'm a horrible person.. I know. I just...never know anymore. I had my temptations.. we're so close yet so far.. we feel so distant nowadays. I want it to last even if it might not be official. I like you so very much I'd do anything for you. I don't want to get too close just incase I get too clingy.. I'm so afraid of me being judged like how I use to be judged and hated.. if only you knew my past..yet I don't want it to cause more burden to you and I don't want you to worry. I rather have it kill me from the inside than let you worry when you have other things to do too. I want to be the last of your burdens.. I want you to know I can be trusted, that's why I never say a word but smile and laugh off like nothing's wrong. Silence make me think..think of these thoughts. I have to say I might be over thinking.. I wished I didn't over think this much.. I really..don't know what to say. I just really really like you but I'm afraid you don't anymore. I want to know what you're thinking even if it'll hurt me. I want to tell you I possibly might love you but I know that's far from it. I want to tell you a word that's more than like but less than love..yet I don't know what it is. I'd miss you..when you're gone.. that's why I treasure every second and every day that you're still here.. I wish it was never this way that you had to leave.. I love everything about you.. I really do.. every time I think about you not being there.. I cry. I know you don't want that.. I'll try to stay strong. I just want to tell you how much I miss you everyday.. and I really want to mean it in those words.. the last thing I want..is for you to hate me.. 

Please..Just Trust Me..

You know…I’ve always wondered…what is having the person you like, like you back…? I never knew it’ll ever happen but it’s…incredible…it felt almost as if it were a fairy tale. I never know why we as people like others to be honest...what is it in us that makes us like another person and why do specific people like specific people...its weird. Though..have you ever felt so helpless when that person is feeling down...and  you can't do anything to help them because you just can't somehow..all you can do it tell him words that might not even work.. Everyone knows when a person says "I'm fine" in an emotional situation..it means they're not. He says it so believable though..just why.. why is it that every time I ask him what's wrong..he tells me he's fine.. I know he doesn't want me to worry but...I'm just scared. Those eyes he gives me..those eyes that are sad but are forcing out a smile.. it pains me.. it hurts me so much just to see him like this.. I just feel so helpless as if I can't do a single thing to help.. I can't ask him.. it scares me if he ever just shuts me down from his world but I feel wrong to not ask him either.. he puts others in higher priority than himself..finding happiness from their smiles even though it's just temporarily because its not happening to him emotionally.. it hurts to think about it.. I'm so worried but I just can't show it..he'll be even more concern but somehow I just want him to know I'm there and I don't mind him ranting about his problems..I really don't. I just want to be of use and help him..and not let him keep everything in his heart..eating him alive and hurting him.. no one should go through pain alone..no one.. I just don't know what to do.. what CAN I do.. I feel so.. useless.. I can't even seem to make someone better.. I just.. I really just want him to put my as an option he could use for his problems.. really.. just please.. stop hurting yourself and keeping it in..  

Concerned Saskamiri

....Getting used to.....

So, Its been the 2nd month of school now....and we've all gotten used to the quiet and emptiness of the class...now that I reflect on it, I'm actually quite happy with this class due to the small group. It somehow allows us to get along easier...now, thanks to this year, I'm actually really getting very well along with Locksy. She's now officially in my best fwen list but still written in pencil. Berry on the other hand is still the same as always, but she really need to change the habit of listening to others a lil.....well, me and Locksy are really getting along really nicely even though there are things only she and berry talk about within themselves. I actually don't mind cuz I would still find out what it is in the end but still, the feeling of that makes me a lil left out and untrusted...but it's natural...this year is getting along not so bad so far.... hope it gets better throughout the year

Happy Saskamiri

A New Year, A New Beginning

Looks like its been another year huh? its been 3 months since I wrote on my blog...as I've said, another year, another beginning...the classes are much more quieter this year....everyone seemed to hv left...our class had just became a small group now...and no noise were made during class time...it just feels so wrong......

Ever since the last day of school...i've missed everyone that left our school....and now, the classes would never be the same...I just hope we could just go back to the start of last year and meet all my fwens again....I just hope they're all doing well...and I just hope they would remember "us"....I miss you people!

Missing Saskamiri

True Friendship...it would still remain no matter how far we've parted

So, yes...true friendship....I'll tell you why im writing bout this then...you see, Its the last day of school 2day and yes...since we're all in a upper ranked school (I won't tell you which) at the end of each year, there would be at least one or two people leaving...but this year, its not just one or two, it basically half of the middle school...it just felt like another normal day at school but when it came to the last 2 hrs or so of the whole year, all of us were exchanging hugs and writing best wishes for one another.

Of course, at this sight, many had lost their senses and teardrop started falling from the rim of their eyes...yes, you could say that I was one of them, the sight of all my closest friends leaving made me had the urge to do that...

we had one that was really nice and love PWNing alot of people including Locksy, one that luvs to say the math teacher's name in a very long drag, one that the teacher luvs to tease alot and looks more beautiful when smiling, one that is a math wiz and also very nice, one that has great soccer skills and is great at rapping and doing cool tricks at the keyboard and one that luvs to constantly make fun of my name in a wierd way and has a wierd sense of humor...

I like all of them LOADS and was hoping that the time could just stop ticking for at least one more second or so I can look at my friends for the one last time before fate would decide to bring us back together again.

I believe in it, one of these days, we would still come together as a complete class and have the times of our life like what we'd had every school day becuz when we were all exchanging hugs, it gave me the "hope" type of feeling, the lil sense of hope still there that would bring us together again to be reunited...that, would be what I call, true fwenship...

fwenship hope Saskamiri

Its better if you did it and regret it than never to do it and regret it more later

How can I start with this blog this time? Oh well, it doesn't matter....I know, it has been ages since my last post cuz I was too busy I guess? exams? well, I did alright but I'm really happy with some of my marks...so, on to the topic...looks like Berry made me recall a quote yesterday (if you guys don't know what it is, refer it to the title)...I finally did what I had to do since I got back from my school's trip...I was meant to give someone a gift but had troubles with it...we'll have a name for him later..so, yes, I did it...I wouldn't find it as a gift of any kind but I only took it as a gift for a fwen, you know what I mean? (and I'm serious on this sentence) 

Before I had enough courage to do it, my fwens tried attempts but, they should know better, even though I knew they're just trying to help...then, they tried to put me into any topic they could think of which made it a lil too obvious so I had to try to keep a straight face...and sometimes, their topics gets a lil out of the question.....

so, at the end of the day, of course, you all know Locksy just can't keep those secrets in...so she had to chatter out everything....I guess she just can't keep her mouth to herself...oh well....I hope he liked that gift I gave him...even though it "might not" suite him but still I was happy with myself that I had enough courage to do that...Oh man, I would be in so much trouble if he saw this blog anytime in my lifetime...Imma try to keep more updated on my blogger as soon as I think up another topic for it...oh and, let's not forget, I'm also grateful for Berry and Locksy for today :)

Cheerful Saskamiri

Hatred....Could It Ever be Revived?

Looks like its back to the blog again, well, exams ARE stressful, but after some time, you just gotta get used to it...well then, back to the topic. Hatred.....a word that makes a fiery feeling inside of you. Is anyone trustable out there? Hatred fills me from head to toe....with berry and her, we'll call her locksy (yes its a wierd name but my brain's not working now!)....does anyone in this world know me? yes I knew I told them to Berry but I don't think she really cares.....and as for Locksy, haizzzz....we've been fwens for some time but its not working well....I ujst feel that she thinks she could embarrasse others and tell them not to embarrasse her in return...haizzzz....I might want to "get back" to her sometimes but I know it's not an approapriate thing to do....on the other hand, our fwen Berry here Loves to side her even though she believes that she doesn't...yes I admit she's really nice but maybe too nice that she's too easy to be convinced......well...could I ever trust people peacefully? Or be a Loner for the rest of my life? I might have left my "school tears" in another school so now my eyes are just dried and not fit for any raindrop.....So...looks like I have to only trust myself for now on or just Aia now.....We'll see...

Hatred Saskamiri